I am so sorry its been so quiet here before this week, I find myself at a loss for words, and participating in a time of quiet reflection, pulling inward quite a bit. I suppose that is healthy and good, right? I just have some guilt for not coming to hang out with you as often. I have had all kinds of blogs floating around, just didn't write, schedule or upload them.
We have been here in Florida a month now, and its not as hard as it first was. The first day we pulled in, I laid in the back bedroom for a long time before I could even step into the front of the RV with all its big windows looking out. My heart was longing for him out there, waving excitedly from the front door as we pulled in, just like years past.
In fact, I pretty much cleaned the whole house, dripping tears everywhere I went, before I could step foot ouside. We had a little whoopsie that dropped me to my knees:
Check out my 4 month old laptop. During travel it slid back, still in the case, and nestled perfectly between the slide out and the wall. Needless to say, we were all a little out of sorts, and no one checked like we usually do, before sliding it out.
Tear tears tears. So many tears that day! I told satan to LEAVE US ALONE.....
I finally decided to step outside, I was ready.....
It felt like a ghost town.
All his little touches were gone. He was such a tidy person by nature and took pride his little second home. Looking around at the closed up tight apartment, the empty RV that wouldn't be driven on a fun summer trip this year.....
There were leaves everywhere, and we realized for the first time, how much work he did on "our spot" to get it ready for us with its little porch and clean raked yard.
So here we are, living on my daddy's beloved "farm" in central Florida, and missing him everyday. (this is dad and Drea's second home, when they came up from their big house down south by the beach, to work the family furniture store with my brother Chad)
At first being here was salt in the wound, but just a few days in, it became comforting somehow, to be surrounded by a place so "HIM". And you can tell he left thinking he would be traveling back up again....
Shoes by the back door. A tool out on the work bench. An RV waiting for the next trip.
When we sit by the fire in this peaceful spot, in the beautiful cool Florida nights, we know he is happy we came and enjoyed this special space....
We can do it for him. He loved it so much, just like last years time hop showed me.
So here we sit, missing him terribly, thankful for the promise of seeing him again one day...
I know life moves on, and we all will too, but for now, I am embracing every layer, every tearful, hard day and every happy, laughter filled day, with my whole being. Trusting my Abba Father to guide my path, and take my broken heart and make it new.
And maybe someday soon, I will stop glancing up in the window when I walk by, to see if he is inside with his feet up in the afternoon....
So I smile through my tears, because I know my daddy is so happy and healthy up there in Paradise with Jesus.....and he wouldn't come back even if he could.
Our human mind cannot grasp the glory he now lives in everyday.
I just wish he could be here again.....I'd sure have a lot to say.